What is play and why we do it.
Kids today live highly structured lives. They spend much of their day sitting at desks in school, often with limited recess that may include restrictions on the type of play allowed. When they get home, homework and scheduled activities frequently fill their evenings. By the time they have any free time, screens often consume their attention.
Unstructured, child-led, imaginative play is essential for healthy child development. I encourage families to intentionally create space and time for this type of play. Often, we don’t stop to consider what “play” actually means. Is it sports? Board games? Tea parties? Something else entirely?
In Child-Centered Play Therapy, VanFleet, Sywulak, and Sniscak offer a helpful definition that allows adults to step back and relax. They describe play as an activity that has no immediate survival function; it is spontaneous, internally motivated, and pleasurable. Play behaviors, such as movements and facial expressions, are distinct from more serious behaviors (for example, play fighting versus real fighting). Play is repetitive and occurs when individuals feel relaxed and safe (pp. 4–5). While children often play in similar ways, play is also deeply personal and unique to each child.
The aspect of play that many adults find most challenging is accepting that it has no immediate function and must come from within the child. This is where it becomes important for us to pause, take a breath, and remember that play is vital to overall child development, including emotional well-being. I also encourage adults to consider how they might reconnect with these elements themselves. What benefits might you experience if you allowed yourself to play (without a goal, task, or outcome) simply being spontaneous?
For children, the benefits of play are extensive. As described by VanFleet, Sywulak, and Sniscak, play supports the “development of motor, cognitive, affective, social, and moral capacities and competencies” (p. 8). It allows children to process their inner world, build social bonds, and practice social norms. Play increases joy and excitement while decreasing distress and inhibitions. It also provides a safe space to work through challenges, try out solutions without penalty, and experience a sense of power and control, something children rarely have. Through play, they can explore how to regulate their emotions and impulses rather than simply follow adult rules (p. 9).
These benefits are critical to children’s overall health. If you find it difficult to step back and allow free, spontaneous play, I encourage you to reflect on what fears or barriers may be getting in the way. Often, the challenge lies in the fact that we don’t allow ourselves to play either. So, give yourself permission to engage in play, separate from your children, so you can model it and create an environment where play can naturally flourish in your children’s lives.
